Lipglass. Heroine from MAC. At dinner, at a bar, in the ladies room. Every time I take it out to re-apply someone grabs it and goes, “Hey, what’s this?” Before I can tell them the specifics, they’re swiping their lips–eh, not my favorite thing to see happen–and vowing to purchase. And so far it looks good on all sorts of complexions. Stop by your local MAC counter and take it out for a test drive.
Yesterday, while waiting for my sweetheart in the Time Warner Center, I was somehow sucked into the H&M store. I’m not a big shopper, but a few things caught my eye. One of them was a super cute, inexpensive romper. My usual worries with a romper is that it makes you look too young or shows too much of your lady bits. Not this one. It covered all the appropriate parts and had plenty of move about room. I was in love. I bought two. Thank you, baby, for being late.
I’d say 75% of the time I have no idea what I’m doing. Not in any particular area, just in life in general. That’s a pretty substantial percentage of time to be clueless, but I accept it and I’m ready to be done sweating it. I’ve decided to fake it until I make it. That means I’m going to act like I know what I’m doing 100% of the time, even though I don’t, and hopefully, I’ll look like I know what I’m doing close to 100% of the time. I’m pretty sure I can pull this off. Wish me luck.
I’ve been thinking about being stuck lately. Stuck in jobs, romantic relationships, housing situations, friendships, belief systems. I’m tired of always finding myself exactly where I was. I want to be somewhere new. Somewhere stimulating and interesting and warm. I want to re-create the mystery of kindergarten, where the alphabet opened up a door to words and books and thoughts and ideas. I want to remember what it felt like to put my small self on the Nina or Santa Maria and taste the sea air in my lungs as I rode alongside Mr. Columbus. I want to be more than curious. I want to be engaged.
Ah, Monday. I wasn’t exactly dreading today, but something about Mondays in October always make me a little blue. I guess it’s the shorter days, the colder nights, and the pressure of upcoming holidays. I tried to keep my energy high today, but it was tough. I encountered a lot of low energy people who I wished would disappear. I knew it wasn’t right to think that way, but when people are being petty and rude and uncooperative, sometimes I can give it right back to them. Sometimes it’s hard to be the better person. I try, but sometimes I fail. But I know that tomorrow, Tuesday, I’ll try again, and that gives me hope.
Friday always gets deemed the end of the week, but I want to try to stop thinking that way. I want to be more in the moment, enjoying the now. I want time to flow, not be delineated by night and day, or names of days. I want. I’ll try. We’ll see.
I was riding my bike home the other day, thinking about a sweet gift someone had left on my desk–it was a notepad with an emblem of a bike covered in flowers on the bottom–when I suddenly realized I’d been given many other sweet gifts over the last few weeks. There was the unexpected bottle of red wine (already happily consumed!), the gorgeous l’occitane lavender candle, a box of candy, someone annoying at work who went on an unexpected vacation, and a generous container of granola brought back from a Martha’s Vineyard vacation. There were other things, too, but at the moment these are the ones that come to mind. I loved everything, but I loved the reason behind everything even more, and that reason was…
I recognize that I am loved and appreciated. So are you.